Do you dread the thought of negotiating?
Do you worry about fighting and arguing over what each side wants?
Do you fear having to “play hardball” and bluff your way to successful outcome?
After all, for someone to win, someone else has to lose… right?
Well, not necessarily.
In this post, I’m going to show you a proven process to negotiate a win-win situation with everyone you deal. Whether personal or professional.
What Is a Win-Win Situation?
Let’s start off by defining what a win-win situation is. A Win-Win Situation is a situation, game or negotiation where all the parties involved benefit in some way. Essentially, everybody wins.
A win-win situation has an end result that is good for everyone involved. Both parties come out on top. Everyone walks away from the transaction feeling like they’ve won something. Hence the name, a win-win situation.
Win-Win Situation Example
A good example of a win-win situation is the concept of flexible work hours. An overwhelming number of studies have shown that this is king when it comes to workplace perks. It is much more desired and beneficial than other perks like causal dress codes or seasonal bonuses.
The reasons why employees desire flexible office hours or the ability to work from home are obvious. First, it helps them to maintain a better work-life balance. Plus they get to sleep in when they want to. They also get to work around their schedule instead of scheduling their lives around work, and so on.
But flexible work hours are also beneficial for companies and employers as well. Why? Because as they study of human psychology has advanced, we’ve learned that different people have rhythms and hours of productivity. And allowing the employees to work on their on schedule during their most productive hours increases the overall output.
For example, I tend to do my best work early in the morning, even before the sun comes up. For me, I feel most energized tackling tasks knowing that I’m getting an edge on everyone else who’s still asleep. By the time noon rolls around, I’ve already accomplished a ton. But then my energy starts to wear down throughout the afternoon, and by 5pm or so I’m shot. The rest of the night is family time for me, and I’m ready for bed around 10pm or so to get up and do it all over in the morning.
But other people may find their best productivity hours at night. I have a friend who works on a completely different schedule. They’re up to the wee hours of the morning working while I’m fast asleep. And by allowing each of us to work when we’re most productive, the overall output is higher than if we were forced to work to some arbitrary schedule like 9-5pm.
And not only is the output higher, but the employer benefits in other ways too. Because the employees have flexible schedules, job satisfaction is higher. This increases company morale. This leads to better employee engagement, performance and loyalty. Plus they can use it recruit new talent who desires to have a flexible schedule as well. All these factors can give them the edge over a competitor who doesn’t offer flexible work hours.
So in this situation, everybody wins. The employees get to work the hours they want and have more flexibility. And the employer gets better performance, more loyalty, and increased morale. It’s a win-win.
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The Double Thank You of Capitalism
Another great example of a win-win situation is a concept called the double thank-you of capitalism. This is an observation that when a merchant and a customer exchange money for goods, each side thanks the other. How many times have you paid for a cup of coffee and after the barista said “thank you,” you responded “thank you” too?
Why does this happen? Because you want the coffee more than the money, and the coffee shop wants the money more than the coffee. In the exchange, both of you win and get what you want from the transaction. Both parties get a piece of the pie.
This is different from the other transactions in our society where one side tends to give and the other receives. For example, a homeless person receiving aid from a social worker may feel grateful and say thanks. But the social worker doesn’t have any reason to say it back. The social worker gives the homeless a piece of their pie and nothing is given in return.
A more extreme example would the collection of taxes. This is where the government takes a piece of our pie. And in a lot of states and countries, many people feel like their taxes are too high. It doesn’t feel like a win-win situation as many taxpayers don’t feel like their getting enough in return. It doesn’t feel a win-win, instead it feels like a win-lose.
Win-Win vs. Win-Lose
There are three potential outcomes to any negotiation. They are:
Let’s go over each of them one by one and compare them to each other.
As you already know, a Win-Win Situation is one where each side of the negotiation feels like they’ve won. Both sides feel like they got something from the transaction.
A Win-Lose Situation happens when only one side to a negotiation feels like it was a positive outcome.
Going back to the coffee shop scenario, imagine that after paying for your coffee and driving away, you took a sip of the coffee and found out it was cold or bitter. This would be a win-lose. The coffee shop got your money, but you didn’t receive a product that was worth what you paid. The coffee shop won, and you lost.
Another potential outcome of a negotiation is a Lose-Lose Situation. This is when all parties end up being worse off. A perfect example of this is budget cuts. When a company or organization has to lower their budget, no one feels good about it. Services and staff that help increase the output are lost, and nothing is gained other than the mere survival of the company. It’s a lose-lose.
When Should You Go for Win-Lose Situations?
Naturally, there will be some situations in life where a win-lose outcome is unavoidable.
For example, take a sports game. In a game of tennis, one player must win and one player must lose. In team sports like football, soccer and basketball, one team must win and the other must lose. There is no middle ground (other than draw, which is practically the same as a lose-lose.)
There may be other situations in your life where going for a win-lose outcome might be more favorable to you, such as buying a car. In these negotiations, you’re trying to save as much as possible and the dealer is trying to make as much as possible. The more you can save the better, and you probably don’t car how much the dealer makes. You just want a great deal on a car.
Or you might also be motivated to go for a win-lose scenario when the stakes are high. A classic example of this is the “prisoner’s dilemma.” Imagine that two criminals have been arrested and are being interrogated in separate rooms. They’re both worried that the other criminal is going to rat them out. If one criminal does to get a much lighter sentence, the other criminal loses. But if they both stay silent, both of them will serve a slightly lighter sentence or get off scot-free.
If both criminals stay silent, they’ll end up with a win-win situation. Both of them will serve lighter sentences. But if one of them rats on the other one, it creates a win-lose. The criminal who talked will get a much lighter sentence. But the other criminal will receive a much heavier sentence. There will be too much added evidence and testimony against them.
In both these situations, there is a lack of an ongoing relationship after the negotiation. After you buy your car, you may never visit the dealer ever again. And if you rat on your buddy and put them in prison, you might never see them again either… or maybe you will.
Why Are Win-Win Situations Important?
Win win situations are important because often you’ll continue to have an ongoing relationship with the other party after the negotiation is over.
If you end the negotiation with a win-lose outcome, it can sour the relationship for years to come. And this can result in a lose-lose scenario as the relationship is eventually destroyed.
For example, let’s say you feel like the car dealer ripped you off when you purchased the car. You might decide not go back there to get your car serviced. You also might write them a bad review or tell everyone you know to steer clear of their dealership.
In the prisoner’s dilemma, you might win in the short term by ratting on your partner. But if they get out of prison in a few years and come looking for revenge, then it ultimately becomes a lose-lose.
If your customers feel like they’ve lost and you won, they will not return to do more business with you in the future. They may also write bad reviews and say negative things about you through word of mouth. This lowers the number of other people who will do business with you in the future as well.
In an employer-to-employee relationship or any type where the relationship is naturally ongoing like a marriage, win-lose outcomes will sour the relationship over time. The losing party will start to feel like they’re being treated unfairly.
And while the winner might have won in the short term, they will eventually lose when the other party chooses to end the relationship. Such as quitting a job or getting divorced.
Have You Created a Win-Win Situation?
Right now, I want to ask you if you’ve ever been in a negotiation or a situation where you tried to create a win-win with the other party. What was the situation? What were you negotiating about? What your interests and the interests of the other party? How did you two reach conclusion?
Please share your answers down in the comments below. It not only helps you get more clarity on the situation, but it will also provide some good examples for the other readers to follow.
And even if the experience didn’t result in a win-win outcome, please share those examples too! We can also learn from our failures, sometimes even more than our victories. So if you tried for a win-lose situation and regret it or had the relationship deteriorate after it was all over, please share below.
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How to Negotiate a Win-Win Situation
So now that you understand what win-win situations are and why they’re important, how do you create them? How do you successfully negotiate a difficult situation with an uncooperative party? How do you to create a mutually beneficial outcome?
Here’s how… we’re going to use a method called “Principled Negotiation.” This concept is outlined in the book Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. The authors were former members of the Harvard Negotiation Project. This ongoing study explores all concepts and issues with negotiation and conflict resolution.
In their studies, the authors developed this approach to negotiation that focuses on the interests of the parties. It works by emphasizing conflict management and conflict resolution. The authors designed this strategy “to produce wise outcomes efficiently and amicably.”
There are five parts to a principled negotiation:
- Separate the People from the Problem
- Focus on Interests, Not Positions
- Invent Options for Mutual Gain
- Use Objective Criteria
- Know Your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement)
Now let’s go over each of these parts one-by-one.
1) Separate the People from the Problem
In many situations, strong emotions and feelings can cloud the issue being negotiated. This can happen for several reasons. Maybe the stakes are high. Maybe one party feels like they’re getting a raw deal. Or maybe there is “bad blood” from previous interactions between the parties. But this emotion only complicates the matter and leads to unsound judgment and negative outcomes.
It’s important that you separate the other party from the problem you are trying to solve. Focus on the issue at hand and ignore the personality differences or who you think is to blame. Parties engaged in a negotiation should try to put themselves in the other person’s shoes. Try to see things from their perspective. This will help you to better understand how they feel about the negotiation. You’ll learn what’s important to them when considering an outcome.
Instead of viewing the other party as an opponent that must be defeated, try to think of them as a partner in helping you to solve the problem. Don’t attack each other, attack the problem at hand that you’re both trying to solve. While the other party may have different interests and views, they can be an ally in helping you reach a solution.
2) Focus on Interests, Not Positions
Too often in negotiations the parties waste time arguing each other’s opinions on the matter. Who’s right, who’s wrong, and who’s seeing things the wrong way. But this just leads to senseless arguing as both parties think they’re right and won’t be convinced otherwise. And telling them that they’re wrong will only insult them and make the negotiation more difficult.
Instead, focus on the interests of the other party, not their position. What are the basic needs, wants and motivations of the other party? Ask the other party why they have a certain stance on the issue. Often you’ll discover the underlying factors that are influencing them.
For example, let’s say you have two siblings who are disagreeing about where to host their parent’s anniversary party. One wants to have it at a restaurant, the other wants to have it at home. They argue till they’re blue in the face about who’s right place and why the other person is wrong. But this strategy doesn’t help them reach a solution.
In a principled negotiation, the two siblings would explore the deeper interests behind each other’s position. They’d discover that the sibling who wants to host the party at a restaurant doesn’t have a lot of time to prepare if the party was held at home. And the sibling who wants to host the party at home doesn’t have the money for an expensive restaurant dinner for lots of people.
So it’s no longer about who’s right and who’s wrong, or who has the better position on the issue. It’s about addressing the key issues of cost and little time to prepare. If they can address those issues, they can create a win-win outcome for both siblings involved.
3) Invent Options for Mutual Gain
Now that the two siblings understand each other’s interest, they can focus on the next step: inventing options for mutual gain. How could they brainstorm some potential outcomes and solutions that would meet both their interests? How can they make sure that both parties win?
One outcome could be to host the party at a relatively inexpensive restaurant. That way the sibling who doesn’t have the time to prepare a party at home won’t be forced to plan all aspects of the party. And the other sibling who was worried about cost won’t have to shell out a bunch of money for a fancy restaurant. Both parties have their interests met with a third alternative that creates a win-win for both of them.
Here’s how to use this step in your own negotiations. First, make sure that you’ve taken some time to focus on the problem at hand and understand the other party’s interests. Then start brainstorming some potential solutions. The answer might seem obvious, but take some time to try to think of 3-5 ideas that might also work as well. With enough brainstorming, you’re sure to come up with a solution that works for all parties.
4) Use Objective Criteria
Some times you won’t find yourself arguing over each other’s positions on an issue. Instead you’ll be arguing over whose “numbers” or “facts” are correct. This is often true in business where figures are important to the decision making process. But it can also affect more personal negotiations as well. This happens when the parties argue over the evidence to support their opinions.
The parties should instead try to agree on a set of objective criteria to provide a framework for the negotiation. These could be things such as legal standards, market value, or contractual terms. Being able to agree on standards demonstrates shared values. As well as a spirit of cooperation and commitment in solving the problem at hand.
For example, when selling a house, the buyer and seller often disagree on the value of the property. The seller tends to lean toward a higher price, while the buyer tends to lead toward a lower one. And side has their reasons and “evidence” for believing their price is the correct one.
To resolve these issues, the real estate industry has adopted a practice to help ease negotiations. They have the property appraised by an independent third party. This expert’s opinion of value is considered the objective criteria in valuing a home. This allows the two parties to put their personal opinions aside. And use an objective criteria instead to value the property and reach agreement.
5) Know Your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement)
Lastly, remember that your goal in a principled negotiation isn’t simply to reach agreement. Your goal is to reach an agreement that would make you better off than your BATNA, or best alternative to a negotiated agreement.
Ask yourself these questions:
- What might happen if the negotiation doesn’t achieve your desired result?
- What are your most favorable and attractive alternatives to a negotiated agreement?
- How can you make those alternatives as strong as possible?
This is important because the better your BATNA, the more you can ask for in a current negotiation. Back to the real estate example, the buyer might make their BATNA stronger by negotiating on several homes at once. That way if one doesn’t work out, they have other options waiting in the wing. And should none of those work out, the buyer might also make suitable living arrangements as a last resort. Such as staying with a family member for awhile.
This puts a buyer in a position to be able to walk away from a bad deal. They have options if the deal doesn’t meet their interests as well as their best alternative does. This is important because sometimes no matter how objective and cooperative you try to be, the other party won’t be.
Maybe the seller of the home has had his family live in it for generations. So the value of the property is his mind is far above the reasonable range based on the nearby comparable sales. But what if the buyer had the backup option of a similar home nearby for $100,000 less? They should take that option instead as it’s a better alternative to overpaying for the home they’re trying to buy.
Remember that there is no shame in walking away from a bad deal. First explore each others interests and brainstormed all the options to reaching agreement. And if either of you find that the deal doesn’t meet your interests as well as the BATNA does, you don’t have to agree. You can walk away. In fact, that’s exactly what you should do in that situation.
Where to Learn More About Win-Win Negotiations
If you’ve enjoyed the content in this post, you’ll probably also like the rest of the my series on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. I did a full two-hour long audiobook style summary and review of the book. And there’s a playlist with other topics from the book as well. View them at the links below:
7 Habits of Highly Effective People Audiobook, Summary & Review:
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